Brick House or Brick Wall?

Disclosure alert!

My ex told me this weekend that she has found a new boyfriend. This is good because it’s part of moving on, and after over eight years together and as many attempts and failures at making it work for the long haul, it should be a fine catalyst for a new era. Of course, it shouldn’t have taken a circumstance like a new lover to instill this notion in our heads; simply not being able to be happy together should have been enough long ago. But I suppose when you’ve spent so much time together building plans, it takes a stronger than normal jolt to bear off the established course.
I had been sure that I was over the concept of working it out, and in fact was greatly looking forward to continuing on a new path…one without her so close to my heart. But she is still my best friend and the closest person to me, and we’ve only just begun to be able to function as platonic friends; the inexorable pull towards each other has been unwaveringly undeniable, and still is. And even though I’ve moved on in spirit, I guess the news still took a lot out of me. And that’s understandable. It had to happen sooner or later, to either she or I.

I think I handled it well, and I’ll always be there to talk about anything with her, including him. She says that he’s ultra-intimidated by me, and I told her I reserve the right to judge him harshly. Of course I just want to see her happy, whatever the cost, and I’m willing to take the loss of intimacy to see that happen. But I still have priority, as good friends should. I don’t think he’ll be able to handle our closeness or unspoken communication, and I truthfully feel sorry for the poor bastard because of it. Funny how when there’s a BIG ONE in your life, they become the Measure of Comparison. I know she’ll be my measure for the rest of my life. But I like challenges…

Couldn’t take her with me, couldn’t wait forever…couldn’t stop my needing when the ties began to sever…

5 Responses to “Brick House or Brick Wall?”

  1. psymbiotic Says:
    July 7th, 2003 at 7:25 pm

    Hang in there D. You have my sympathies at this time, and my hopes that things will get better sooner than later. :>
    Egan >:>

  2. FunkyPlaid Says:
    July 7th, 2003 at 7:29 pm

    Hey, man! Thanks; things are GREAT! No complaints here…just a little rumination.

  3. psymbiotic Says:
    July 7th, 2003 at 7:30 pm

    Ohh, OK then. Well, I hope then that things stay on the "good" foot. :>
    Egan >:>

  4. dr_beep Says:
    July 8th, 2003 at 5:29 am

    Wow, I hope everything works out easily, although I know easy really can't be counted on in these situations.
    Damn, have I really known you this long?

  5. FunkyPlaid Says:
    July 8th, 2003 at 7:17 am

    Ah, my friend.
    Yup, it's been that long. And EASY, while concise and pleasant, is so methodical! Where's the fun in that? As I said, the whole experience is character-building. And I love challenging my boundaries. Thanks for your kind words…

Leave a Reply