Strike Out.

So the meeting was scheduled for this morning, and it took the project leader exactly that long to e-mail me with a rejection letter, but a very kind one at that. And this is the way of it, and my plan continues on ahead as it was before this possibility fell excitedly writhing into my lap. It’s the most action I’ve had in a while now. 🙂

The post at Culloden has been awarded to a post-PhD student with slightly more experience in conducting aspects of this research. Should I be bold and find this difficult to believe, or remain humble and honestly accept that there are other students with as much enthusiasm and knowledge about this potential project as I? Will this be the crushing regret that I never was able to pursue – the pinnacle of my life’s work that I was denied because of a miniscule difference in letters after a name? Did they contact my academic references and ask them about my drive and passion? Will I ever be able to forget this?

Yes, because things continue on, and continue well. And I am filled with these thoughts right now, but they will fade because there are many other things to do. I’ve still got Big Plans, see. I just want to ensure that I’m successful and happy. If this is not the way to it, then I’ll create another.

I must remain realistic – my contribution might have resulted in false information; but the experience would have been priceless, and the possibilities after, limitless. That person they have accepted had better be damned good, for certain. Once again, my good instincts and bad feeling about this outcome were accurate. The difficult part was getting my hopes up so sky-highly in such a short amount of time.

If I find one of them in the archives looking through a particular paper that I need at the moment, there will be blood, however. And if there is a single fucking sign out of place on the field after it is completed, there’s going to be hell to pay, my brothers and sisters. Bloody hell.

Thank you so much for your relentless support and excitement, and for all the finger-crossing and good energy. There is no need for a whole bunch of apologies and regret here; let’s just enjoy the last few months and get on with things, and let’s hope for better tomorrows. We all deserve that job appointment.

30 Responses to “Strike Out.”

  1. spiffington Says:
    June 21st, 2004 at 7:04 pm


    I'm not gonna say I'm sorry because you don't want that.
    So what I will say is you have my heartfelt hopes, thoughts and wishes that whatever you do, and whatever happens, is yours to hold onto and cherish forever with the fondest of memories and happiness.
    🙂

  2. FunkyPlaid Says:
    June 22nd, 2004 at 8:03 am

    Re: …
    You know I will, and thank you.

  3. mxhaunted Says:
    June 21st, 2004 at 7:39 pm

    :/

  4. kratkrat Says:
    June 21st, 2004 at 9:11 pm

    To follow through with the subject of your post….
    Reggie Jackson hit 563 career home runs. That parks him way up the all-time list, and he was legendary for the clutch homer.
    Reggie also struck out approximately 2600 times in his career. (I say approximately because I am not looking at his stats right now.) Put another way: Since a batter gets about 500 at-bats a season, Reggie struck out an astonishing FIVE YEARS of his career.
    So, what am I saying, other than that I am a hopeless baseball dork?
    This is but a minor setback. Like Reggie, I believe you will hit an impressive number of home runs, careerwise, and will be oft-remembered for that.

  5. FunkyPlaid Says:
    June 21st, 2004 at 9:42 pm

    A sound analogy, thank you very much. And he was rather good with the women, wasn't he?
    There is hope yet!
    Batter Up!

  6. pisica Says:
    June 21st, 2004 at 9:22 pm

    The post at Culloden has been awarded to a post-PhD student with slightly more experience in conducting aspects of this research. Should I be bold and find this difficult to believe, or remain humble and honestly accept that there are other students with as much enthusiasm and knowledge about this potential project as I? Will this be the crushing regret that I never was able to pursue – the pinnacle of my life’s work that I was denied because of a miniscule difference in letters after a name?
    I find it hard to believe that anyone's more enthusiastic about this field of research than you are. 🙂
    I do, though, from my current vantage point, think that there may well have been reasons for wanting a PhD on board. (I'm about to play devil's advocate here – trust me, I wanted you to get this post!) From what you've described, it sounded as though the research was something that you could have done perfectly well. But…maybe it looks better to the people who give them money to have a Dr. on the research panel. Maybe a completed doctoral thesis indicated a commitment to the project that a not-yet-completed MSc thesis cannot match, even when your enthusiasm is taken into account. (Certainly in the position I'm in, having PhD in hand is infinitely better than having it in the final stages.)
    Heck, there may have been other issues as well. Maybe the work permit issue played more of a role than they're letting on. I've been rejected for a hell of a lot of applications, and one thing I've learned (from the acceptances as well as the rejections) is that a lot of the time there are factors that you have absolutely no control over. If the woman who managed incoming Fulbrighters hadn't been a writer who made a push on my behalf, and if there hadn't been extra money coming through to let them take 8 that year instead of 7, I would never have been a Fulbright scholar. That seems dangerously random, to decide whether or not I would have a prestigious scholarship, but that's what happened. I guess what I'm trying to say is that there's not much point in second-guessing – we all do it, of course, and it's natural, and I don't think you're the sort of person who will wallow in regret or bitterness. But I think I'm veering into apologies and regret, so I'll just stop now….

  7. FunkyPlaid Says:
    June 21st, 2004 at 9:48 pm

    You're very kind for pointing this out, and for the support you've offered.
    I absolutely see the situation from their perspective, and would want that same list of prominent positions on my project were I heading it. It is a good point to remember, and thank you for of reminding me of it.
    It isn't that I feel any less of a person, of course, or even like I wasn't good enough for the post. It's more that I'll be missing a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to contribute to the precise focus of history that I am exceedingly passionate about – and a chance to see it from behind the scenes, and to know that I was a part of something that I love and revere so much. You know all of this surely; you have to hear me spout about it at home! 🙂

  8. sibelian Says:
    June 21st, 2004 at 10:16 pm

    Hmph.
    Well, that's pretty crap. I'm a bit amazed, to be honest, given your clear focussed enthusiasm.
    Yes, because things continue on, and continue well. And I am filled with these thoughts right now, but they will fade because there are many other things to do. I’ve still got Big Plans, see. I just want to ensure that I’m successful and happy. If this is not the way to it, then I’ll create another.
    Indeed. 🙂

  9. FunkyPlaid Says:
    June 22nd, 2004 at 8:04 am

    Re: Hmph.
    Amazed. You and me both, my striped chum.
    😉

  10. lady_in_satin Says:
    June 22nd, 2004 at 1:21 am

    I remain impressed that you were even considered. Not just considered, but seriously considered. Very cool.
    No one's beating down *my* door to investigate ruins.

  11. FunkyPlaid Says:
    June 22nd, 2004 at 8:06 am

    Ever the optimist, eh? A good point, for certain.
    But then again, I'm not a singer with a voice of gold. If I were, I wouldn't be digging through historical texts and documents and being considered for such things…I'd be doing what you're doing.
    🙂

  12. lady_in_satin Says:
    June 22nd, 2004 at 8:08 am

    Sitting in a cubicle.

  13. FunkyPlaid Says:
    June 22nd, 2004 at 8:12 am

    In my dreams of you, you're far more than a cube-sitter.
    🙂

  14. seolta Says:
    June 22nd, 2004 at 1:40 am

    And if there is a single fucking sign out of place on the field after it is completed, there’s going to be hell to pay, my brothers and sisters. Bloody hell.
    🙂 I wanna come along on that inspection visit!!!!

  15. dougygyro Says:
    June 22nd, 2004 at 3:13 am

    Count me in! Magnifying glasses and textbooks at the ready!

  16. psymbiotic Says:
    June 22nd, 2004 at 3:46 am

    Dude, that sucks to hear about, and I'm sorry they didn't chose you.
    I've been in similar situations, where I've gone out for jobs to work on great games for great companies and not gotten hired for XYZ reasons. But through perseverance, tenacity and a fair amount of stubbornness, I finally landed my dream job here at EA.
    Hang in there bro. Another good opportunity is bound to come your way. :>
    Egan >:>

  17. FunkyPlaid Says:
    June 22nd, 2004 at 8:15 am

    Indeed. It's funny because I've never been passed up for something I've wanted so badly. This is the first time for me, and it feels rather like separating from someone you're in love with. The daze is the same, and it takes adjustment and will to plough through the feelings.
    Good things are certainly ahead, as you know so well from your own search…this particular appointment was extremely close to me, and I was very much looking forward to it. So I mourn it, and then we move on.
    Full steam ahead.

  18. velvetdahlia Says:
    June 22nd, 2004 at 8:04 am

    How disappointing– I don't know why I thought they were hiring a team, and not just for one position. Still, it was great that they gave you the heads up, and good that you have plans for back in the states, too. Any chance there will be any other positions like this in the near future?

  19. FunkyPlaid Says:
    June 22nd, 2004 at 8:10 am

    Yes, quite disappointing, but my plans are still solid for back home.
    There was a team to be hired, but apparently I didn't make the cut this time around. As my flatmate stated, it must have something to do with the fact that I don't have those letters after my name, because it sure isn't for lack of experience in the subject.
    There are always positions like this popping up around the country, but probably nothing quite like this one, and at this place. I'll be interested to see what they do with it, though.

  20. velvetdahlia Says:
    June 24th, 2004 at 5:24 am

    Would you ever consider a PhD? What are your thoughts about that. Money is always an issue with higher education, but I could see you really excelling in a PhD program.

  21. FunkyPlaid Says:
    June 24th, 2004 at 5:57 am

    I didn't think I would until recently, but now I finally feel that I could handle it, and that they respect me enough in our department and elsewhere to give it a go. This very well might be on the horizon in the next few years ahead. We might meet in Edinburgh yet!
    Thanks for the confidence. Money can always be appropriated; self-belief cannot.

  22. podle Says:
    June 22nd, 2004 at 9:17 am

    Don't know how much random whimsy cheers you – but on the off chance, here's your horoscope from The Onion:
    You will have mixed feelings about your career this week when you're unexpectedly promoted from assistant third-shift server to Admiral of the Fifth Fleet.

  23. FunkyPlaid Says:
    June 22nd, 2004 at 8:01 pm

    Random Whimsy is my middle name, baby.
    And I hate my parents for it. Thanks for this. 🙂

  24. Anonymous Says:
    June 22nd, 2004 at 1:08 pm

    Hugs while muttering
    *Lots* of hugs. Let's hope there's something wonderful waiting on the road ahead. And I doubt if this helps, but it's really fine to read your adult reaction to these events. I'm proud to have you for a friend.
    Meanwhile…mutter, mutter, mutter. 🙁
    And you're *still* the darlin' o' Dunkeld, so there.
    –Kirsty
    P.S. If this sounds flippant, it's not. There are tears dripping onto my keyboard while the great Andy M. wails away for you. "Spite of all their chiefs could say", indeed. You will triumph one day, I know. You know too.

  25. FunkyPlaid Says:
    June 22nd, 2004 at 8:06 pm

    Re: Hugs while muttering
    I know that nothing you say is flippant, and I thank you for your sympathies. I know that we can't dwell on the missed opportunities in life, though this is truly my weak point – all the more reason to combat it effectively and enjoy every minute of every day.
    As you said, other things are ahead, and I feel that I have already triumphed in many ways, and will continue to do so in many more. It's not a failure for me, just a seriously missed opportunity that might one day yield other results. I know my abilities, and my contribution, and there are many other ways to be good to the discipline.
    Would I rather be the Darlin' of Dunkeld or the Pimp o' Pitlochry?
    🙂

  26. Anonymous Says:
    June 25th, 2004 at 2:09 pm

    Re: Hugs while muttering
    Would I rather be the Darlin' of Dunkeld or the Pimp o' Pitlochry?
    Well, which one gets to wear a sword? 🙂

  27. agntprovocateur Says:
    June 22nd, 2004 at 1:34 pm

    the lil one and I send you big hugs. we're proud of you for making it this far.
    the lil one wanted to add this:" at least you don't think the world is bad because one thing was bad."
    🙂

  28. FunkyPlaid Says:
    June 22nd, 2004 at 8:08 pm

    She's wise beyond her years, of course, and well-inured to the future. This statement proves it.
    You've always been a great support and a keen friend, and I can't wait to see you in October!

  29. velvetdahlia Says:
    June 24th, 2004 at 5:59 am

    You don't know me, but I just wanted to say that your little one is really, really wise. " at least you don't think the world is bad because one thing was bad.". that kind of blows me away. I think I might use it as my new mantra.

  30. agntprovocateur Says:
    June 24th, 2004 at 12:50 pm

    hello and thanks.
    You don't know me, but I just wanted to say that your little one is really, really wise.
    she's definitely somehting else! 🙂

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