Sore on the Inside.

As one never really forgets how to ride a bike, one also knows that practicing balance is endemic to successful riding skills. And I, in this case, am most certainly one. I took it upon myself to combat this sluggish thing that rules these seemingly endless days and nights of Epicurean indulgence and passive activity at work and play. I used to be young, and in shape – and once, a very long time ago, I used to have energy. But it takes that molasses-like push after so many months of stasis, of tippity-typing and counter-staring, card-flopping and immobile word-ingesting. I live very near The Ocean, and on a handful of lovely sunset walks I’ve greatly appreciated the bountiful terrain perfectly made for slow-motion, sandy-toed steps that seem to go on forever. Resistance is a matter of mind, I’ve thought, and much as the endless sands impede my physical progress, so has the Park Chalet dwindled my moral resolve to its compadre’s granular consistency in those environs. When near the beach, a freshly-brewed beer seems to be a much better salve than sore muscles and aching internal organs.


But this can’t go on forever, and I made a start this weekend past. The first four blocks were nearly impossible, and I was set to pound the sidewalk with my clenched fists and curse the name of Helios or Poseidon or Pavementia or Whomever, were it not for the strange happenstance upon crossing 34th Avenue, just after nearly getting eviscerated by a station wagon. It was like clearing your throat when some vile substance clings to the esophagus walls. My heart remembered something then and transferred it to my muscles, and I could feel the very instance that it happened – like an autonomic spark plug, of sorts. My second wind must have come early, then, but it lasted longer than I might have hoped. Twenty blocks later, the water lapped at shins-a-splinting and I enjoyed the last three droplets of daylight before regaining my composure and foolishly attempting to retrace the hilly, concrete-layered dune that the Sunset District lies upon, this time uphill. I made it three blocks and slowed to a walk. Five more from my house, I started up again, sprinting the final length of ol’ 30th before nearly dying on a murder of trash bins collecting outside the house. It was garbage night, after all.


It took me three days to walk again. Don’t ask how I managed at work – you should have seen my feeble attempts to pick up a simple box filled with nothing save a diabolical mass of packing peanuts. The UPS man giggled evilly and I cried on the inside for a moment. Yet now, I feel like I must do this terrible thing more often. We almost crave the pain like a penance for our sins, a justice-laden self-flagellation for months of uselessness and slothfulness. But RUNNING makes it all go away, if but for a moment. Yes, it’s as if I’ve been re-admitted to the human league, and you know exactly what I’m speaking about. Don’t you want me, baby?

14 Responses to “Sore on the Inside.”

  1. thistlelurid Says:
    November 7th, 2005 at 1:10 am

    When…WHEN did our bodies choose to betray us so? Why cant
    living just be living, yes? Why are we destined to feel the downward
    pull of longevity and gravity….when our day to day prevents the
    natural maintenance we assume is laboriously attended to if
    our mental states are any indication. "ooof Im tired….
    must have been a rigorous day if Im mentally beat like this!"

    I used to live at the gym….now I curse the tight assed set for
    existing when I walk through those doors…..taunting me into
    knowing what I already know…what brings me to that "place"
    more often than I like to admit nowadays ….if you dont use it…
    you LOSE it. I dont even have a map to help being the search
    anymore…..mine is so lost……ooooh boy.
    Ive been dreaming about running…a lot lately. Cardio ahoy!
    I run all day long mentally….if it mattered…Id be a twig at this
    point……so unfair…….so biologically UNFAIR! ::fists in air::
    (and very much so………..good for YOU)

  2. FunkyPlaid Says:
    November 8th, 2005 at 8:14 pm

    The tight-assed set, indeed!
    For me these days, it's much more for the inner health than anything else, though I do miss the odd muscular goose-pimples here and there – all with youth still attached to them. The emotional benefits of regular exercise are undeniable and those are the prizes I seek most. A routine, an exertion, an energetic influx.
    Otherwise: curves are nice.

  3. no_mans_land Says:
    November 7th, 2005 at 4:26 am

    <small>oh dear, i can't tell you how long it has been since i really broke a sweat due to movement, not weather. i feel as though i'm trapped in the physique of someone at least thrice my age…i should really qualify for senior citizen benefits…god knows i'm short enough!
    but even without health-related obstacles such as mine, it's difficult to keep up. i commend you for putting in the effort. good luck on following through. [that's where i always drop off]</small>

  4. FunkyPlaid Says:
    November 8th, 2005 at 7:43 pm

    Commend me after I reach my old fighting weight, sweets. One run does not a dedicated athlete make, and I have to make sure to get into the habit instead of letting the habit of doing nothing get into me.
    With regards to your obstacles, is there some sort of action of which you can partake that will rouse the endorphins without compromising the rest of the lovely shell? Doesn't have to be a routine, but just to keep things oiled and running…it does a world of difference for the emotions.

  5. angledge Says:
    November 7th, 2005 at 6:26 am

    Hail, Asphalt! Hail, Pavementia!
    Good going! Maybe when I get home we can go running together.

  6. FunkyPlaid Says:
    November 8th, 2005 at 7:35 pm

    Re: Hail, Asphalt! Hail, Pavementia!
    You bet. If you can convince me to do it again…

  7. sleepycinderell Says:
    November 7th, 2005 at 6:46 am

    I've still got grit embedded in my knees from my faster moving days..
    If you come back to Alba in time you can take part in next year's Porty Triathalon. They disappointingly don't make you swim all the way to Fife and back (just offshore and back, then a fast run then a cycle around Arthur's Seat and back) but you do get jam scones and tea afterwards : )

  8. FunkyPlaid Says:
    November 8th, 2005 at 7:39 pm

    If I were to dip into the Firth for even a moment, I might shrivel certain parts away to nothing. I don't think my frail ego could take that. 😉
    Though jam and scones are worth almost anything…

  9. hermiston Says:
    November 7th, 2005 at 12:18 pm

    It impacts on the rest of our life, and the sore we feel afterwards is an exorcism of sorts, it was that I ached in some sense of another almost constantly but after five years of deterioration I've now taken up playing football once more. Twice a week, starting three games ago. The first time was terrible and the three days that followed passed conkers to the inside of my calves. During the second game I felt a cardiac incident was close and everything, even my jaw, ached. On the third game I scored a goal, warming up and down was easier and the days after showed little trace. Looking dead forward to more…

  10. FunkyPlaid Says:
    November 8th, 2005 at 7:37 pm

    Re: sport
    Don't die, Kieran. Please. I need you around. But you're right – it's an exorcism. Staving off old age and slothfulness. And after some more wine and cheese, I might even do it again.
    Glad to hear you're boppin' the ball around over in yonder fields of green.

  11. dirtbaby Says:
    November 7th, 2005 at 4:32 pm

    I will expect buns of steel soon.

  12. FunkyPlaid Says:
    November 8th, 2005 at 7:34 pm

    Like a twelve-year old boy, baby.

  13. dichroicynosure Says:
    November 9th, 2005 at 5:17 am

    Reminds me of the ONE time I ran from my apartment in the Sunset to the beach and –like you– fell into a three day paralysis after.
    Since my lungs collapsed nearly 8 years ago my stamina/health and general will towards getting fit has been rather slack. I've been doing some back oriented yoga and some ballet leg exercises of late, but boy does climbing the stairs at school become impossible after a few days of that.
    Luckily, it is physiologically impossible for me to gain weight because I'd be a real venus of Willendorf otherwise.

  14. FunkyPlaid Says:
    November 9th, 2005 at 11:08 pm

    Hehe. I just wanna see you with her 'fro.
    I hear that yoga is amazing from just about everyone who does it. I really like the fact that it can be a strenuous workout even if there's no serious cardio to do. Anything to get our heart rates up…

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