Clarification.

I surmised that some of my chums and acquaintances might have the same question as did one of my fellow volunteers at the Mammal Center, after reading a post from me on the volunteer e-mail list. Her inquiry is here, followed by my response, for informational purposes:

By the way, I am quite fond of the way you sign off at the end of emails, but
I’m always left wondering what exactly does “yours, Darren” imply? And to what
extent?

Dear M;

‘Yours, Darren’ could indicate one of three things, depending on my particular mood for the day, or on the piece of correspondence I am closing. They are as follows, in no order of relevance:

1) ‘Yours, Darren’ is an atavistic, perhaps anachronistic pleasantry, implicating a shorter form of the more common, ‘I am, sir (or ma’am), your most humble, obedient, and respectful servant’, but I don’t want people to look at me funny, so I use the more synoptic version. We’re in the twenty-first century, after all. This more streamlined model can be mixed to taste with the adverbs ‘sincerely’, ‘fondly’, ‘daintily’, or ‘catastrophically’, completely based on mood and intention.

2) ‘Yours, Darren’ is a gentle reminder to myself that the world is Yours, Darren. Sometimes I like to imagine myself owning everything, and the use of this particular adieu might delineate one of those times. By ‘the world’, I mean you and your lovely new platinum locks, as well. I might own them, should I choose to use my closing salutation in this regard. You’ll never know until the moment. But please be aware of it for future tax identification purposes.

3) ‘Yours, Darren’ is nothing but a signifier that I am wholeheartedly all of yours Darren, yo, and in reality, I am nothing but a whore to the Marine Mammal Center and the stalwart volunteers who keep it cranking out blubber and fur. It may just indicate that I am simply a whore, but I’m as of yet undecided on this possibility.

I hope this sufficiently answers your query, and also that now you can get some sleep, unimpeded and unfettered by nightmarish confusion.

Yours,
Darren

19 Responses to “Clarification.”

  1. chuckmckeithan Says:
    May 11th, 2006 at 1:10 am

    MINE alll MINE!!
    Can I start signing all my letters
    "yours Darren"

  2. FunkyPlaid Says:
    May 11th, 2006 at 1:17 am

    Re: MINE alll MINE!!
    It hardly matters; the world knows who owns it.

  3. niddrie_edge Says:
    May 11th, 2006 at 5:08 am

    What with <lj user=zotz> comment today on the impending conclusion of the UK's war debts to the USA, I am glad you didn't make a typo and sign off
    "Yours, Darien"

  4. FunkyPlaid Says:
    May 11th, 2006 at 9:59 am

    Oh, clever! But I don't put 25% of my personal wealth into *anything* these days.

  5. kimmaline Says:
    May 11th, 2006 at 5:08 am

    ROTFLM(cute)AO!
    So, does this mean, that in my instance you, "like to imagine myself owning everything, and the use of this particular adieu might delineate one of those times. By 'the world', I mean you and your lovely shiny auburn locks, as well. I might own them, should I choose to use my closing salutation in this regard."
    Cause, I can think of worse things that being owned by the Darren, at least for a time.
    /evil

  6. FunkyPlaid Says:
    May 11th, 2006 at 10:01 am

    Cause, I can think of worse things that being owned by the Darren, at least for a time.
    Oh, you fool, you have no idea of what you speak. Ask my cat; he'll tell you.

  7. dichroicynosure Says:
    May 11th, 2006 at 6:38 am

    a good reminder of why I adore you.
    yours,
    Selene

  8. FunkyPlaid Says:
    May 12th, 2006 at 12:03 am

    So my wise-assedness is a virtue?

  9. dr_beep Says:
    May 11th, 2006 at 7:52 am

    . . .
    "cranking out blubber and fur."
    . . .
    oh my that mental image is going to linger, linger and grow, like a bougainvillea in my hindbrain.

  10. FunkyPlaid Says:
    May 11th, 2006 at 10:02 am

    Will: I love your hindbrain, perhaps most of all.

  11. thistlelurid Says:
    May 11th, 2006 at 10:06 am

    so does
    -D
    mean theres an arrow sticking out of your back?
    is that a reverse errection?
    or do you have a tail?

  12. FunkyPlaid Says:
    May 11th, 2006 at 10:18 am

    Clearly it's an emoticon – a carefree, happy face that's had its eyes burned out by a flame-tailed demon from the abyss of the Nine Hells.
    Sometimes I feel like that, too.

  13. podle Says:
    May 11th, 2006 at 11:34 am

    Well, it would only indicate that you were a whore if you appended a price list for all the different and special ways you are willing to be "yours" for compensation.
    Me? I thought it meant you were mine or at least one of my minions. Always cheered me up a bit, what with me wanting to be a supervillain and all….

  14. viscera Says:
    May 11th, 2006 at 12:26 pm

    This is the scariest thing i've heard/read/seen all day.
    The death knell of an era. Not that anyone under forty bloody well writes a sodding letter in the paper/pen/envelope way any more*, but wait 'til people start asking you what you mean by beginning emails with "Dear …". Obviously minus the ellipsis and plus a name.
    Oh yes, and what do you charge by the hour?
    * Now that I come to think of it, myself included. Whoops.

  15. FunkyPlaid Says:
    May 12th, 2006 at 12:02 am

    Would that be in U.S. or Australian dollars?

  16. dirtbaby Says:
    May 12th, 2006 at 3:32 pm

    So why not:
    yours, &c
    Here is an interesting discussion of just such a topic (although I like your one person discussion a bit more)
    http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=534230
    In most affectionate mirth, &c.

  17. FunkyPlaid Says:
    May 13th, 2006 at 12:15 am

    Excellent link, thanks.

  18. dadsucks Says:
    May 26th, 2006 at 9:13 pm

    Funny, you're funny.
    I think you do own everything.
    Or at least you should now……
    XO

  19. FunkyPlaid Says:
    May 29th, 2006 at 2:29 am

    I'm going to remember that you said this here, and use it against you later on.
    😉

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